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Enjoy Life

Take Charge of Your Life

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Are you in charge of your life or is life in charge of you? That can seem like a silly question but the truth is – many times we run around handling things, situations and people that are not on our planed list.  They are not even on the radar of what is important to us.  At the beginning of a new year, some people make “New Year’s Resolutions”- unfortunately by now, many people are beating themselves up for resolutions that have already been broken.  In this article we will take a look at one of the ways we can set ourselves up to succeed in the areas that are most important to us. 

Are you familiar with the 80/20 rule?  It is also known as Pareto’s Principle.  It states that 20% of what we do produces 80% of the results.  Need a few examples?

20% of the area in our houses require 80% of the cleaning

20% of your clients or projects  require 80% of your time

or

80% of free time is spent on things that only provide 20% or less of desired results

It’s important to remind ourselves not to get bogged down on low-value activities that are not that important to us and instead stay focused on high-value 20%!

Our goals, faith, dreams, desires, morals, and families – those are the important things in the grand scheme of life.  While we are not always in a position to spend all of our time directly on the things that are the most important to us – we can consciously choose to give those important things, those high payoff items – decicated time.  What we must do is find the high payoff tasks and work on those first or at a minimum schedule time to ensure they get done.   

Tips for High Payoff Items

Set a time for completing the task.  Saying I will go on a date with my husband is not good enough.  Setting a date, time and making arrangements increases the chances that you will accomplish this high payoff item.

Set a deadline.  Is there something essential that needs repair or attention?  Is it causing a bottleneck in productivity?  Do you keep saying you will get to it yet you don’t?  Give yourself a deadline.  Either make that deadline or explore other options for getting the job done. 

Need an example?  Let’s say the garbage disposal is broken.  It’s causing a slow drain and smells in the kitchen. Your wife has been waiting for its repair but it is slowing her down.  Your might think – just scrape the food in the trash, and use the other sink – however there is more at play here.  Unless you do things the same way she does with the same frequency you may not understand the build of trash, the mess that must be cleaned from leaky bags the children helped empty or the dog ripped into.  If it’s important to your spouse –it needs to be important to you.  Keeping your word sends the messages – you are important to me, and you can count on me.

Divide and conquer.  Some tasks are so large they are easy to keep putting off.  Have you committed to a special project with your child? Break the project into smaller steps that require less time. Example- did you promise to redo a room or build something but the room is a wreck?  Tasks to be done together in smaller chunks of time might include designing the project, selecting colors, cleaning, organizing, etc.  You don’t have to dedicate a whole weekend (while you could) when you do it little by little. 

 

You don’t have to beat yourself up or give up on the things that are important to you.  Decide to focus on what’s important to you by giving those high payoff items the time they deserve!

 

Love and blessings,

 

Sadie

Don’t Let The Holidays Burden Your Marriage and Family Life

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holiday bluesDon’t Let The Holidays Burden Your Marriage and Family Life

By: Sadie Foster, MA

While the holidays can be a time of great joy and peace, many find that they are times of great stress, depression and anxiety.  Be honest with yourself upfront – attack the issues not each other!  Let’s take a look at some of the issues and consider how to minimize and prevent them. 

What are some of the typical reasons for feeling down this time of year? 

The seasonal changes that occur throughout much of the country. It is reported that during this time of year, with its changes in weather, time, and sunlight many people will experience a decreases in energy, interest in pleasure, healthy sleep patterns, connection with others and overall sadness. 

Memories of lost loved ones.

Most people have the desire to spend the holidays with loved ones.  Some of the most cherished memories are created around this time of year.  It can be very painful to relive some of those memories or create new ones when a loved one is no longer with us. 

Feeling regrets

The holidays falling at the end of the year also serve as a reminder that the yearend has arrived.  There may be uncompleted goals, wished and desires to face.  For some, watching others who seem to be experiencing “perfect happiness” without considering that no life is completely perfect nor without effort, can spark many dark feelings. 

Lack of self care

Now is not the time to skimp on sleep, fill up on junk food, skip meals, over schedule yourself, indulge in unhealthy activities,  skip exercise, or play superman or superwoman.  All of these things are common this time of year and contribute to feelings of stress, depression, and anxiety. 

What can you do to minimize the negative and maximize the positive?

Take care of each other.

Now is an excellent time to get as much sunlight as you can, stick to an exercise routine, get enough sleep, eat healthy foods, make and follow plans, and ask for help when you need it.  As you are a team – lift each other up as well as hold each other accountable. 

Recognize That You and Your Loved Ones May Have Mixed Feelings.

Remember feelings aren’t good or bad – they just are.  Recognize that your feelings may go up and down, or change quickly.  Choose not to let your feelings rule you. 

 

Design Your Holiday

Given your current situation, how would you like your holidays to look?  What experiences would you like to create?  How can you make those things happen?  Planning is crucial to giving yourself the best chance to enjoy the season.

Don’t Be Afraid To Leave Some Things Out

There are lots of different holiday traditions. Some that you may enjoy fully, some that you could do without, and others that just don’t work right now.  Ask yourself as you consider which activities and traditions to keep up with questions like the following to help you decide which activities to let go of for the season.

·         Will we still enjoy the season without it?

·         Are we doing this because we feel we “have” too?

·         Does it cause more stress to participate?

·         Is there a safety risk involved?

·         Is there someone else that can complete this task for us?

·         Do we even like participating? 

 

Concerning Gifts – Remember The Greatest Gift You Can Give is Love.

Try not to allow yourself to be caught in the trap of overspending or feeling guilty because your financial priorities are focused elsewhere.  Do not create debt and  regret  over material things.  If you plan to purchase gifts – set a budget.  Give the gifts of Peace– choosing not to argue over unimportant things. Time – focus on yourself and your loved ones.  Take the time to create cherished memories.  Rest– take breaks without running all over tiring yourself and others out.  The Moment– chose to live right here, right now – not in yesterday, not in tomorrow but right now.  Enjoy the moment – it will never pass this way again.

With love and blessings,

Sadie

Thanksgiving is Just Around the Corner- What are You Thankful For?

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Thanksgiving is Just Around the Corner- What are You Thankful For?

By: Sadie Foster, MA

The holidays are a busy time of year.  In the business sometimes it is easy to forget to be thankful.  Ever stopped to think about exactly what you are thankful for and if your thankfulness shines through.  Many times we do not show our loved ones just how thankful we are for them.   We are sometimes blinded by the irritations of life instead.  Things like the messy rooms, toys on the floor, forgetfulness, working late – again.  Some of us have had the devastating experience of losing  a loved one expectantly.  Oh how wonderful it would be to hear that too loud of a voice or running in the house, to remind that spouse that today is a special event and they need to leave work on time, to find that items are not where they are supposed to be. 

It’s important to live in a daily place of thankfulness – thankful for the day as is it.  Thankful that you can try again.  Thankful that while you may not feel great, you can still feel.  Thankful that you can tell your loved ones how you feel.

Ways To Say I’m Thankful

A thank you card or note detailing why you are thankful for them

A special time set aside for just the two of you, with the explanation – I saved this time just for us because I am thankful for you.

A list that complete this sentence as many times as you can think of – I am thankful for you because______.

A random act of kindness. 

A small meaningful gift.  Something that shows you are thinking of them specifically – not necessary something expensive. (ex. A favorite  treat, or music)

Do you regularly express thanks?  What’s a memorable way that you have been thanked?  Tell us in the comments below.

Love and blessings,

Sadie

Managing Stress – Does your Family Have A Plan?

By | Blog Articles, Enjoy Life, Family, Featured, Parenting | One Comment

 

Managing Stress – Does Your Family Have A Plan?

By Sadie Foster, MA

 

Lack of stress management has been linked to heart disease, decreased immune function, behavioral problems, difficulty sleeping, decreased school and or work performance, headaches, stomachaches and many other problems.  You’ve probably heard those things before – but did you realize those things are true for children, teens, and adults?  The skills and coping methods learned in youth, can stick throughout life even if they are not healthy. 

Let’s consider some of the facts.  A report released in November 2010 by the American Psychological Association found many disturbing facts.

While parents report similar sources of stress as the rest of the population (80 percent cite money, 72 percent cite work and 72 percent cite the economy as stressors), many also report that family responsibilities are a significant source of stress (73 percent).

 

Results from the survey suggest that parents feel that they are under a great deal of stress (nearly one-third report feeling this way) and understand the importance of managing it (69 percent say managing stress is important). However, only one-third (32 percent) believe they are doing an excellent or very good job of managing their stress.

While the majority of parents don’t think their children are strongly affected by their stress, children report otherwise.

 

Nearly three-quarters (69 percent) of parents say that their stress has only a slight or no impact on their children, yet 91 percent of children report they know their parent is stressed because they observe a multitude of behaviors, such as yelling, arguing and complaining. 

 

The study went on to find that children, tweens, and teens are all affected greatly by the stress their parents experience as well as the stress from their own lives. 

As a parent, it is crucial to learn to recognize and reduce stress as well as teach the children in the household to do the same.

Your family stress management plan should include

    Defining stress with examples

    Understanding the impact stress can have

    Recognizing what things can cause stress in your lives

    How to find solutions to problems that cause stress

    Where to go for help

    How to develop healthy habits

Decide to make and use a stress management plan for you and your family and enjoy today!

 

Love and Blessings,

 

Sadie

Homemade Marshmallows – The Lesson In The Process

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Gluten Free, Dairy free, Egg free, Soy Free, Corn Free, Sugar Free, Homemade Marshmallows – The Lesson In The Process

By: Sadie Foster, MA

S’mores – in less than 5 hours, really – yikes!  Yesterday, I found out that my daughter’s brownie troop members would be making S’mores over a fire as part of the meeting.   Now while this in an exciting quick treat for many people – for a child with food allergies and hypoglycemia they are normally off limits.  It has been my desire to make alternatives and substitutes so that our children can participate if at all possible.  I had a vague recollection of making marshmallows before – did I succeed?  Was there something off limits in it?  I couldn’t remember.  Graham crackers – yes we make those – but they tend to have higher carbohydrate counts, chocolate –yes maybe we could pull that off in time too – but it tended to melt quickly.  What to do?

We decide to give it our best shot.  My little ones volunteered to be sure the kitchen was clean while I did a little research, and checked my notes.  My neighbor even brought me a missing ingredient.  In the process of making the marshmallows, we made a mess, a frosting, some sort of weird crème, marshmallow crème and finally –marshmallows, a high protein graham cracker, and a chocolate substitute – just the right mix for S’mores! 

What’s the message in all this?

1.       If you have the desire to do something – try your best to make a way.  It may not happen as quickly as you want but keep at it.

2.       Some ‘mistakes’ can turn into something else useful.  We created a few other recipes that we can use on a different day.  Ex. – a new fluffy frosting

3.       Give yourself grace to make mistakes.  During this process, I missed hearing the dog request to go outside over the hum of the mixer. He relived himself on the living room floor.  My son in his excitement ran through the living room, discovering the wet spot – slipping falling and landing inside.  Quite hilarious!  Needless to say there was a pause in the process for bathing, cleanup and sanitizing. 

What everyday challenges have you recently faced that you can find the humor and lesson inside?  Decide to enjoy today!

Love and blessings,

 

Sadie

 




Sadie Foster specializes in taking the mystery out of enjoying health, family relationships and life. Her systems teach the skills most  people were never taught, to overcome challenges and get extra-ordinary results quickly.  Making it simple to enjoy health, enjoy your marriage, enjoy children, and enjoy your life with actionable step by step yet flexible processes.  She has been serving families through counseling and nutritional psychology for the last 14 years. Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter! 

 

Relationships And The Power Of Your Words

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Relationships And The Power Of Your Words



 

By: Sadie Foster, MA

 



 

Think back, with me for just a second.  Think of all the people that you love, the people that you feel the most alive around, the ones you enjoy being with.  How do they treat you?  What do they say to you?  What do you say to them?



 

Words have so much power that you may not realize how much they really have. Have you taken stock of how much power you have and how you are using it?  Let’s take a look at this story.



 

"He began his life with all the classic handicaps and disadvantages. His mother was a dominating woman who found it difficult to love anyone. She gave him no affection, no training and no discipline during his early years.



 

 



 

"When he was 13, a school psychologist commented that he probably didn't even know the meaning of the word "love." During adolescence the girls would have nothing to do with him and he fought with the boys.



 

 



 

"After failing at every pursuit, including a stint in the United States Marine Corps he married a Russian girl, but she also began to hold him in contempt. She could outfight him, and she learned to bully him. Finally, she forced him to leave.



 

 



 

"After days of loneliness, he went home, fell on his knees and literally begged her to take him back. He wept at her feet, but she laughed at him and made fun of his sexual impotency in front of a friend. Finally, he pleaded no more.



 

 



 

No one wanted him.



 

 



 

No one had ever wanted him. He was perhaps the most rejected man of his time.



 

 



 

"The next day, he was a strangely different man. He arose, went to the garage, and took down a rifle he had hidden there. He carried it with him to his newly acquired job at a book-storage building. And from a window on the sixth floor of that building, shortly after noon, November 22, 1963, he sent two shells crashing into the head of President John Fitzgerald Kennedy.



 

 



 

"Lee Harvey Oswald, the rejected, unlovable failure, killed the man who, more than any other person on earth — embodied all the success, beauty, wealth, and family affection which Oswald lacked. In firing that rifle, he utilized the one skill he had learned in his entire, miserable lifetime.*



 

 



 

Not that pain and suffering justifies harming another person, or excuses his actions but what a life!  I realize there is all kind of controversy around the assassination of JFK, so please don’t get lost in that.  This could be about anyone. For the sake of learning, let’s consider the story to be true.



 

 



 

How many of our children, regardless to their disadvantages are starving for love, affection, and discipline? How many children do you think only hear negative talk? How many could it be said of, have never had anyone teach them the meaning of love? If you are around children in any capacity – you have the huge opportunity to bless them and speak joy into their lives simply by speaking kind words.



 

 



 

What about the wife in this story?  I don’t know what life must have been like for her.  Maybe he was mean and difficult to live with – I truly have no idea.  From this vignette we do know how she treated her husband.  She fought him, she bullied him, and she rejected him. She laughed at him when he was down, made fun of him, and embarrassed him in front of others.  What a life!  How do you treat the man in your life? It is often said that people love you for how they feel when they are with you.  How do you imagine your words make your husband feel?

 



 

In honor of our wedding anniversary, I will leave you with ten loving words to consider sharing with those you love. 



 

 



 

1.   I appreciate you.



 

2.   I love your smile.



 

3.   I love spending time with you.



 

4.   There is no place I would rather be, than right here with you.



 

5.   I love the feel of your touch.



 

6.   You are important to me.



 

7.   I believe in you.



 

8.   You’re the best.



 

9.   You’re my king.



 

10. I Love you



 

 



 

Speak truth and life into your relationships.  Decide to enjoy your family, enjoy your marriage, and enjoy your life.



 

 



 

Love and blessings,



 

 



 

Sadie

 

 

 

Sadie Foster specializes in taking the mystery out of enjoying health, family relationships and life. Her systems teach the skills most  people were never taught, to overcome challenges and get extra-ordinary results quickly.  Making it simple to enjoy health, enjoy your marriage, enjoy children, and enjoy your life with actionable step by step yet flexible processes.  She has been serving families through counseling and nutritional psychology for the last 14 years. Connect with me on Facebook and Twitter!



 

 



 

 



 

 



 

 

* James Dobson’s, Hide or Seek [1974]

I Don’t Care About The Programs- I Just Want My Pictures Back- Protecting What’s Important

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I Don’t Care About The Programs- I Just Want My Pictures Back-

Protecting What’s Important

 

By: Sadie Foster, MA

Have you ever lost something that in the back of your mind you knew you should have worked harder to protect?

Just the other day, I went downstairs into the basement and saw that out desktop computer was not powering on –hard disk error it said.  Yilkes!  I do not like those words.  The computer is older, it’s been around for over six years.  We use it mainly as the server- to network the other computers, printers, and gadgets in our home. For a while now, thoughts have crossed my mind like –  wonder when the last time I did a backup & are those documents backed up somewhere.  Because all of my recent  (last few years) documents and picture are on a different computer – I don’t think much about what is on there.  Honestly – I don’t remember.  Yet, a few days ago when the error hit – my thoughts quickly went to – I don’t care about the programs I just want my pictures.  You see this was the computer we used after the birth of my daughter.  I’m sure I have copies somewhere of most of the important pictures in various places but how can I know for sure what is on that disk if I can’t see it.

The programs are tools to make life easier, get a job done etc.  But the pictures – those are the memories – the things that make life great.  I should not have ignored or put off the thoughts of verifying backup and checking to see what was on the drive.  I could have worked harder to insure what was important and of value to me was secure. 

Are your family relationships much like the pictures on my hard drive?  Now that I’m in real danger of losing them – I’m wishing I had done things differently.  Checking the backup plan, dedicating time to ensure it was taken care of, regular maintenance, looking for signs that something might need attention, refusing to take it for granted. 

Most people don’t want to look back later and see what they could have done.  It’s often painful. Save yourself the potential pain and struggle – take the necessary steps now to protect what is important to you.

Make time even if you don’t think you have time

Do the regular maintenance

Treat your loved ones with respect

Look for signs that something may be off- do something about it. 

Our relationships are what make life enjoyable.  The things that most people don’t want to lose.  Decide today to do what it takes to keep them protected in happy healthy place.  Enjoy today!

Love and blessings,

Sadie

Sadie Foster specializes in taking the mystery out of enjoying health, family relationships and life. Her systems teach the skills most people were never taught, to overcome challenges and get extra-ordinary results quickly.  Making it simple to enjoy health, enjoy your marriage, enjoy children, and enjoy your life with actionable step by step yet flexible processes.  She has been serving families through counseling and nutritional psychology for the last 14 years.

Life Is A Story – What Is Being Written On Your Pages?

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Life Is A Story – What Is Being Written On Your Pages?

By: Sadie Foster, MA

During my time as a hospital nursing assistant,  I remember sitting often with an elderly couple we’ll call Kate and Joe.  Despite things looking extremely grim, sounds of joy, peace and love were often found escaping from her room.  Kate had been battling cancer for several months.  They had not found out about the cancer early, there was little hope from the doctors as it had spread everywhere.  Kate had already made the decision she would enjoy what was left of her life in peace with her loved ones, without further chemotherapy treatment.

If you could see the smiles the gentle touches, and loving looks between the two of them and their children.  If you could hear the love in their voices, the smiles in laughter, the roaring laughter from some of the memories or feel the warmth from their touches – you’d never suspect she was so close to death.  They carried on as if the hospital was a five star hotel.  Even the requests for needed items had special names like wine for water and moo milk for IV.

The couple enjoyed telling me stories of adventure; trying new things, mistakes, and accomplishments from their life together and I enjoyed hearing them.   While Kate was alive – she was able her story.  After she was gone, Joe, her children and those that knew her  told pieces of her story in her absence.

What stories of your life are being told now? 

Often in the daily routine of life, we don’t take notice of the day to day story we are creating.  Right now this very instant there is a story being made.  Where are you right now?  How have you interacted with your loved ones so far today?  Have you left anything out that you want to add?  Have you added anything you wish you could delete?

While life doesn’t have an erase button- we can always attempt to make things right.  To correct mistakes, apologize for wrong doings, and work diligently to rebuild.  You are in complete control of your actions and your words.  You are the star of your own story.  You may not be able to control all of the things that happen to you or come your way, yet you are in complete control of how you respond.  What do you want your husband and children to remember about you.  How do you want them to feel when they think of you today?  How do you want to feel about yourself?  Decide today to play an active role in the story of your life – write your own script.  Enjoy today!

Love and blessings,

Sadie

 

Sadie Foster specializes in taking the mystery out of enjoying health, family relationships and life. Her systems teach the skills most people were never taught, to overcome challenges and get extra-ordinary results quickly.  Making it simple to enjoy health, enjoy your marriage, enjoy children, and enjoy your life with actionable step by step yet flexible processes.  She has been serving families through counseling and nutritional psychology for the last 14 years.

The Time is Now

What Are You Waiting For? – Now Is The Time To Focus On Your Marriage

By | Blog Articles, Enjoy Life, Marriage | 6 Comments

 

What Are You Waiting For? – Now Is The Time To Focus On Your Marriage

By: Sadie Foster, MA

The Time is Now

Are you still waiting for your husband to make time for your relationship?  Are you waiting for things to slow down at his job?  Are you waiting until the baby sleeps through the night, your toddler goes to school, you have more time, or ________________________(you fill in the blank)?

Waiting for the perfect time is not likely to get the job done. 

Is your marriage relationship where you want it to be?  How do you know?  Have you checked recently?  Most important things in life, especially things of value are evaluated and tuned from time to time.  Think about it, cars have tune-ups and maintenance checks, teeth have cleaning and x-rays, businesses have audits and evaluations, jobs have performance reviews and potential raises, education has assessments and promotion, bodies have checkups and recommendations.

What have you done to check the status of your relationship? When was the last time?  Notice something about the checkups listed above.  They all recommended to happen on a regular and consistent bases.  Some you can delay and suffer the potential consequences, and others will happen with or without your permission. 

What are you waiting for? What will you do to insure the health of your marriage?  Are you diligently working to make love last a lifetime? Nothing in life happens without someone doing the work.  A happy healthy marriage relationship is no different.  Work does not have to be hard, it can be lots of fun.  Nevertheless, it must be done.

I’ve heard most of the excuses before. We all get off track from time to time. The bottom line is life is short.  At one point you wanted to be with the man you married more than almost anything in the world.  Now that you are married, are you willing to work to keep things special, to make your relationship the priority?  Toward the end of your days, when you look back over your life – your relationships with people will be the things you remember most.  Will you be pleased with how you took care of those relationships or will you filled with regret.  You can decide today to build those happy memories.  To not leave things unsaid, and untended.

I encourage you to take an honest assessment of your marriage relationship.  Look at yourself first.  There is a tendency to evaluate the other person first.  I challenge you to do the sometimes difficult task of evaluating yourself first.  Need a starting place?  I invite you to take my free self evaluation. Request it here.  You will receive it and other marriage tips by email.

 

Decide to enjoy today!

Love and blessings,

Sadie


 

Sadie Foster specializes in taking the mystery out of enjoying health, family relationships and life. Her systems teach the skills most people were never taught, to overcome challenges and get extra-ordinary results quickly.  Making it simple to enjoy health, enjoy your marriage, enjoy children, and enjoy your life with actionable step by step yet flexible processes.  She has been serving families through counseling and nutritional psychology for the last 14 years. 

 

 

 

Do You Really Understand?

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Do you Really Understand?

By: Sadie Foster, MA

I’ll never forget the first time I sat in a session with a particular couple and watched them argue passionately over a point.  They volleyed back and forth.  Explaining how the other person was so wrong.  Telling how the other person didn’t get it, how they never really tried.  How upset they were that the other person didn’t understand them. It was loud, it was intense, and if it had been a television show I might have laughed.  Why?  Because they were arguing the same point and didn’t realize it.  They were so busy trying to make their own point that they didn’t realize their partner was saying the same thing a different way.

So many of life’s conversations are like this – parallel but not truly on the same course.  Here’s an example of two friends talking:

Friend A:  Guess what!  We are going to Disney World around Sally and Johnny’s birthday in August!

Friend B: I’ve been to Disney World!

A: Taking a family trip is something I’ve wanted to do for so long.  I think my children will love it.

B: It’s soooo many people there

A: Little Johnny just loves cars, and Sally can’t wait to see that castle!

B: When are you going – I hope it’s in the fall.  The best time is when it’s not too hot.  We went in July – whew that was rough.

A:  I think Orlando is about an hour from Datonya Beach – that will be fun too!

B:  We drove down to the beach when I went too. 

Can you see how it looks like they are having a conversation?  The general topic is the same, yet somehow it doesn’t seem that they are connecting on all the points.  What points are lost? The timing of the trip is lost, the plans and goals of the family are not shared, and questions are not asked. Friend A might feel a little worried about the heat.  Friend B didn’t get to share her experiences, give a few helpful tips and answer questions her friend might have had.  Friend A might feel like B wasn’t excited for her.  Friend B might feel like A wasn’t willing to accept her advice and experience. 

The goal of true communication is for all parties involved to truly connect, to be understood and to understand.  Seek first to understand. 

Now many of us think that we do understand, yet we already know what is best for the other person.  Consider this example.

Let’s say a wife is planning a date night with her husband.  She wants to do something new and exciting.  She thinks kayaking sounds like a wonderful idea.  When she presents it to her husband – Let’s go kayaking!  His response is no – I don’t want to do that.  She may feel hurt or as if her ideas are never accepted or considered.  She might feel like she is always the one to come up with the ideas, like she doesn’t feel like being the only one to work at it – so she drops it.  What happens then?  If they are like many couples – nothing happens; life as usual is what’s next.  No date is scheduled, her husband doesn’t understand why she wants to go and she doesn’t understand why he doesn’t want to.  She may even feel he doesn’t want to go out with her. 

But what could have happened if they had both sought to understand?  

She might have found that her husband was thinking kayaking was white river rafting – fast, requiring a lot of strength, and far away.  She might have found out that he was feeling self conscious, overweight and like he would not have been able to protect her if something happened.

In addition to learning about kayaking on a calm shallow lake, he might have found out that his wife craved something new and different with him.  That she missed the adventures they had during their earlier years.  That she was beginning to feel he didn’t care about her as much as he did before.

In your parenting, have you considered the impact truly understanding why your child wants or doesn't want to do something?  Have you helped them work through a fear or mistaken belief? 

Seeking to understand first can completely change the course of a conversation and a relationship.  It impacts work, family, parenting – everything.  Decide to seek to understand first and enjoy today!

Love & blessings,

 

People Are a Reflection of What They See and Hear

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People Are a Reflection of What They See and Hear.

By: Sadie Foster, MA

Ever wonder where you or your child picked up a certain saying, habit or way of talking? Ever stopped to consider that it may have come from someone or something time was spent around?  Truth is we become like the people we spend the most time with.    It’s evaluation time.  Who do you and your children spend most of your time with?  Is it family members, friends, video games, or the television?  Are you finding that you do not like the words that are coming out of your child’s mouth or the tone in which they say it?  What are the words that are coming out of your mouth?  How do you make requests or provide direction or correction?  How do you respond to others around you? What about actions – anything you'd like to do more or less of?

Would a few examples help clarify this point for you?  See if you see yourself or your child in the following examples:

You visit a place where the way of speaking is different; a different region or culture.  After a few days, does your voice and or words sound more like theirs?

Your child begins to quote the sayings of a movie, storybook, or television show in similar situations.

You begin to want something a friend has or something you see television. 

Are you starting to see how the people and things we are around can influence who we are – almost without realizing it?

I remember working with a family many years ago.  The little girl had a habit of pointing her finger in her baby sister’s face and fussing at her if she didn’t do what she wanted her to do.  Neither her sister nor mother liked that habit.  One day in frustration the mother found herself fussing at her older daughter, insisting that she be nicer to her sister.  When she looked down she realized her finger was pointed in her daughters face. 

So what do you do if you there are influences that need to be stripped of their power?  Follow these steps:

  • 1.       Recognize that there needs to be a change. 
  • 2.       Pay closer attention to what you and your children are doing and saying.  Encourage the positive. Decide where the negative might be coming from.  Remove the negative influences as much as possible.
  • 3.       Replace the negative with positive.

What do you do when the negative things or people cannot be removed?  Limit your exposure as much as possible.  Tell yourself and your child in a straight forward way – other people might do or say those things but we don’t.

If birds of a feather flock together – who are you flocking with?  Decide today to allow your reflection to be intentional.  Enjoy Today!

Love & Blessings,

Sadie

Your Family Life vs Your Priorties

By | Blog Articles, Enjoy Life, Family, Featured, Marriage, Parenting | 6 Comments

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Your Family Life vs Your Priorities

by: Sadie Foster, MA

 

I once heard a great story about a dad, his electronic planner, and his child.  This dad carefully explained how important his planner was to his young child after it was almost destroyed by accident. He went into great detail about how it how it held the names, how to get in touch with, and special times to meet with very important people.   He shared how things that he had to do and important things he never wanted to forget where all stored in that tiny little tool.  His child responded with I’m sorry daddy –I understand why it is so important to you. Can you show me where I am in it?  Imagine his shock and the feeling that washed over him when he realized his beloved child, one of the main reasons he worked so hard – would not find their name in the tool.  Imagine how that child felt.

If we spend the most time, most money, and most energy on the things that matter most to us – what are you habits saying?  Now I’ve heard the argument before – that’s not true!  I HAVE to work – I HAVE obligations that I MUST tend to.  True – income must come from somewhere to provide for our loved ones, yet there is a lack of balance in our society.  How many times have you heard yourself say I can’t today or I don’t have time or maybe another time?  Does “another time” ever come?  Is it way later if it shows up? 

It is true that many of the things we are obligated to do have major consequences should we choose not to do them.  We might lose a job, miss a deal, get a ticket, or be the cause of something not going well.  Most people don’t realize that not making time spent with our love ones a priority also has major consequences.   Typically these consequences are more subtle, easy to blame on something else and build over time.  Ever wonder how a child grows up and the parents don’t know them? How couples wake up one day and realize they don’t really know their spouses anymore and they are not sure if they like the person they see? How respect is lost?  It has been proven that lack of priory, lack of time spent, and lack of communication are major contributors to relationship break down.  When a relationship and the people in it are treated as a major priority – its members can face and defeat challenges that come their way.   Decide today to evaluate your priorities – does the way you spend your time, your money and your loyalty match what is most important to you?

 

Happy Family Relationships – Do You Really Want It?

By | Blog Articles, Enjoy Life, Family, Marriage, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

Do You Really Want It?

By: Sadie Foster, MA

How bad do you want it? What are you willing to do to get it? What are you willing to give up? Let’s be honest with ourselves – most people spend way more time preparing for a wedding, special event or sporting event than they do for parenting, life or marriage! How many courses, seminars, trainings, and mentorships have you actively pursued and worked through? Do you regularly and routinely work on your skills, evaluate yourself and your family – address what needs to be worked on or do you just go along day by day?

My friends, your marriage and family relationships are two of the most important things in your world.  They have the ability to have the most impact on you and you on them.   Do you leave the maintenance of your car, your technology equipment, or your home up to chance?  Do you give them fuel, apply updates, recharge batteries, change filters, and empty the trash?  If you expect them to work – I’m sure you do the maintenance tasks.  Why then would we as a society expect two of our most important assets – our marriage and family relationships to work at peak performance without focus, knowledge, and deliberate action?  Seems silly when you think about it that way doesn’t it? 

Please don’t consider this a reason to beat yourself up for the things you haven’t done.  Consider it a friendly reminder, a word of encouragement.  Decide today to do the self evaluation, make the changes necessary, and gain the skills to do the work to get the life you want. 

A happy family life takes work.  Work is not a bad word.  It does not have to be something you dread.  It can be fun it can be an adventure.  Don’t buy into the belief that all work is terrible and something you have to hate to do.  A beautiful thing about work is when you do it well you are usually rewarded for it.  How much greater will the reward be when the people you are working for and with love you and want the best for you?

Where do you start- right where you are.  The most beautiful painting starts with a single stroke.  Don’t let anything or anyone keep you from reaching your family life goals.  

Love and blessings,

Sadie

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Sadie Foster specializes in taking the mystery out of having enjoyable family relationships.  Her systems teach the skills most of us were never taught to overcome challenges and get extra-ordinary results quickly. Making it simple to enjoy your family, enjoy your children, and enjoy your life with actionable step by step yet flexible processes.  She has been serving families through counseling for the last 14 years.

Take Time For Yourself

By | Blog Articles, Enjoy Life | 5 Comments

Take Time For Yourself

 When was the last time you intentionally took the time to do something for yourself?  Be honest.  Not the obligatory things you would have done anyway like going to a doctor’s appointment.  Not things like working extra or spending the extra time to clean.  I mean real intentional scheduled prime time to do something that you really enjoy.

We as mothers (and others) sometimes run nonstop attempting to fulfill all of our many obligations, wearing many hats without so much as a thought to quality time to ourselves.  Some moms that I work with justify this by saying they simply do not have time.  Others say when they attempt to take the time – they have no idea what to do.  Childcare is a problems for some mothers.  Some say, I did take time for me by cleaning the bathroom because I really want a clean house (even though they don’t like cleaning the bathroom and would have done it anyway).

Why it is important to take time for you

Marianne Legato, a cardiologist, can give you some reasons why:  "If you never have any time except reactive time — things you must do for others — you don't have a sense of control. You are interrupted all the time. Your brain has trouble resting even during sleep. Such chronic exhaustion increases the release of stress hormones, and your blood sugar rises." If this is your normal state, then the physical consequences increase your risk of diabetes, heart disease, and memory problems. If that's not enough to scare you into taking some time for yourself, consider this: The hormonal effects of always being on edge help deposit fat right around your waist.

The health and well being of your marriage, your children, and your life are dependent on you learning to take time for yourself.   There are tons of quotes about the importance of a mother in the home.  You’ve heard some of them –

When mama’s happy everyone’s happy.   Behind every good man is a great woman.  Mother is the bank where we deposit all our hurts and worries.  If the oxygen mask drops and you're traveling with small kids, put yours on first — before you help them.

If a mother’s role is so important (which we know it is) – how can we as mothers continue on day after pouring out of ourselves without regularly stopping to fill up?  The truth is we can’t.  Now it might look like you can, especially if you have been doing it for a while.  Do an honest assessment of your life – are you able to help the way you want? Are you parenting the way you feel is best?  Are you feeling the joy in your relationships the way you once did?  Everything in life requires time and attention to operate at its best – YOU ARE NO DIFFERENT.  Decide today to take time for yourself. 

Did you hear yourself in the common excuses?  Here are a few answers to those.  It doesn’t count if you don’t like it – pick something else.   You don’t have to leave the house to do something for your self – it can be as simple as taking 15 minutes to read a great book or enjoy a cup of tea.  For more ideas on how you can take time for yourself, enjoy your marriage, your children, and your life – visit us on Facebook for daily tips and inspiration. 

 

Love and blessings,

Sadie

 

Sadie Foster specializes in taking the mystery out of having enjoyable family relationships.  Her systems teach the skills most of us were never taught to overcome challenges and get extra-ordinary results quickly. Making it simple to enjoy your family, enjoy your children, and enjoy your life with actionable step by step yet flexible processes.  She has been serving families through counseling for the last 14 years.

Expressing and Experiencing Love

By | Blog Articles, Enjoy Life, Marriage | 11 Comments

Freeze Time – the Value of 10 Seconds in Expressing and Experiencing Love

by Sadie Foster

 

What can you do with 10 seconds?  You could pour yourself something to drink, tie a shoe, or scroll through caller id.  Almost everyone can find 10 extra seconds in their day almost without trying.  What if there was something you could do to reconnect with your spouse in a major way that only took a tiny amount of time?  Are you up for a challenge? This assignment gets results fast.

Do you remember your first kiss?  Where were you?  Were you inside or outside? Do you remember the lighting, the temperature, and the sounds around you?  Take a few moments to remember.  Isn’t it amazing how vivid our memories can be?

What happened to kisses like that?  Do you still take the time to have moments that take your breath away? Many times over the years- we simply forget to be lovers.  How is that possible?  Work, stress,  children, finances, health issues, events etc.  take time and other important things slip away.   Many couples find that over the years, the time they used to spend enjoying each other is replaced by other things.  When this happens, loving feelings are often buried.  So what can you do about it?  There are many things that you can do to bring back and express those loving feelings. 

Here’s your assignment; starting today – you are to kiss your spouse for at least ten seconds every day.  It must be at least ten seconds.  No strings attached.  No excuses – get it done. 

Interesting kissing facts and quotes

 Lips are 100 times more sensitive than the tips of the fingers

“Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine”.  Song of Solomon 1:2, NLT

On July 5-6, 2005 a couple in London kissed for 31 hours, 30 minutes, and 30 seconds, making it the longest kiss ever recorded

According to Dr. Arthur Sazbo,  a study found that those who kiss their spouse each morning:

 miss less work because of illness than those who do not, have fewer auto accidents on the way to work, earn 20 to 30 percent more monthly and they live about five years more than those who don't.  The reason for this, says Dr. Sazbo, is that the kissers begin the day with a positive attitude.  A kiss signifies a sort of seal of approval, offer Sazbo and his colleagues, and they believe, those who don't experience it, for whatever reason, go out the door feeling not quite right about themselves.

"When you give someone a peck on the cheek, that says, “I love you,” but a 10 second kiss says, “I’m still in love with you!”
Ellen Kreidman, Ph.D.

 Kissing at the conclusion of a wedding ceremony can be traced to ancient Roman tradition where a kiss was used to sign contract.

“I can’t read lips unless they’re touching mine” Jon Troast

“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story.  It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender” Emil Lundwig

Do you have ten seconds?  Tell me your results below!

Decide to Enjoy Today!

Love and Blessings,

Sadie